Vaishnav jan to.........

2009-05-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

Two decades since I came across the first song I remember hearing....21 years have passed..Has it really been that long? For some reason cliches fill up my mind when I try to describe that vast expanse....But the edges haven't blurred nor have the colors faded...But I remember that day in fragments rather than the whole. I remember the rubber chappals flip flopping as I walked past the row of shops..."didi" (a family friend) holding my hand... leading me past the row of shops...I remember the puddles of water...which is weird because i know it had not rained that day...but everything seemed fresh like it had been cleaned and washed...I can smell the wet mud which still smells so delicious...not in this part of the world for some reason...I cannot let my olfactory lobe take over because there are other senses...other memories...but in fragments, I remember the softness of didi's hand as she held mine...Past the shops we went...up a windy path...maybe not too windy, & there stood the temple, white of course....nd there is smell again....smell of incense burning...wait...not just incense..its camphor...familiar smells now lost in the strangeness of a new country...nd I see a lot of women sitting in an ill formed circle....middle aged women in saris, fresh from a recent bath all of them...& there's the song...Vaishnav Jan to....peed parayi jaane re...a song that must've descended from the heaven...they join in...their voice rising & falling.....I can hear each voice melting into one voice of the song....they clap...so many of them...I feel scared for a moment...like a dragon the song flaps it wings ever so smoothly as it gains momentum...rising into the skies...mesmerizing me hypnotizing me....words which would not mean anything to me until 21 years later.....21 years really? 21 years & 8000 miles away from the little white temple....the words making sense now...I feel their strength like the little brown naked man did several decades ago....the saint who personifies the song...a man who died almost perfect......

Dissatisfied

2007-12-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have that nagging feeling that you are not giving the best to what you are doing. That feeling of innate dissatisfaction that never allows you sigh at night before hitting the sack and saying 'Well that was a good days work'..... Well thats how it feels right now.....There's so much untapped potential in me.....a hunger to learn...to be the best...Though I know I have achieved a lot in the last few years...I am someone you would call 'successful' but I dont feel that way for some reason.....

And now I am in a quandary again.... I have two career options, one where my heart lies and the other which is more practical and would serve me better in the 'long run'...I wish I could live in the present and not plan a 100 steps into the future....Dont know how far I will get...Mind you the options are not very different from each other, its a matter of only 3 years...but I know I will be happier in the former than the latter.....But then I wonder...will this feeling of hollowness disappear even if I follow my heart...or will it return...because it always has...no matter what I do.....Only time will tell I guess....

Invictus

Vaishnav jan to.........

Dissatisfied